Cashew Chicken. Minus cashews.

I learned this recipe from my wonderful sis-in-law.  Since then Miyagi and I have managed to change so much that technically it's not even Cashew Chicken anymore . . .because neither of us feel like putting cashews in.  It's now known in our household as "hoisin sauce chicken" named after the main distinctive ingredient. Well we couldn't very well just call it "chicken" now could we!

It's simple.  Throw in some chicken, and whatever veggies you want, then slather it in hoisin sauce and you're good to go!  Oh.  And add cashews.  If you're into that kind of thing.

We probably made enough to feed 4 if you have some other side.  But we didn't.  And we like leftovers.  Here's how we make it.

Start with two chicken breasts cut into chunks. Marinate them for at least 1/2 an hour in some sesame oil and minced garlic.  You can even let this sit overnight if you're feeling ambitious.  The sesame oil gives a really nice flavor so try not to skip this.

While that's marinating you can chop up some veggies.  This is a whole red pepper, a whole yellow pepper, and about 1/2 an onion.  Whatever else you include I'd say these are the staples.  Start with these then add what you want.  I also like to keep everything chopped to about the same size because then when you're eating it all blends together into hoisin happiness.

Our extra veggie of choice is almost always snow peas.  Rinse them, cut off any nasty ends and keep them separate from the other veggies because we'll need to add them first.  Same goes for carrots or any other heartier vegetable. 

After the chicken has marinated for awhile throw it in a skillet and cook it up!  You don't need any more oil (hooray sesame oil!) and the sauce you add later will have plenty of salt.

Mine looks a little watery because I never manage to thaw my chicken all the way before cooking it so there's a lot more water to cook off.  You can fix this by being a responsible adult and defrosting everything thoroughly before cooking.  I just don't care that much.

When the chicken's mostly cooked through add in the snow peas (or carrots).  We want these to start cooking first because they take a little longer and this allows us to avoid getting mushy peppers while we wait for the snow peas (or carrots!) to finish cooking.

Let these go for 3-4 minutes or until they've become bright green, then started to fade again just slightly.

Throw in the peppers and onions . . .

Then almost immediately pour your hoisin sauce in.  You're going to need a lot of this.  I probably used at least 3/4 of a bottle.   This way the peppers and onions can cook slightly while the flavors work their way in. If you want to make ACTUAL cashew chicken now would be a good time to throw in some whole cashews.  Chop some up and you can sprinkle them on top to make this all fancy.

Chopped nuts is what passes for fancy in my house.

Here's the hoisin sauce I used but it was kind of sweet, so I added a little oyster sauce to even things out.  You can find hoisin sauce at any grocery store in the Asain foods section, but you might be limited on selection of brands if you're picky.

But only if you're picky.  If you're not picky then your store is sure to have dozens of brands to choose from.

Here's another picture of it done in the pan.

I took like 50 BAJILLION pictures of it all plated up and pretty, but I'd lost my light and so it looks like the dish is at the end of a dark, scary tunnel.

Don't believe me? 

This is what cashew chicken looks like to people with nut allergies.  See how it's creeping into the light?

Beware!  Look out!  When cashew chicken ATTACKS!

Salted Caramel Brownies

I based this off a recipe on thepioneerwoman.com that was based on a recipe that was based off a bakery brownie . . . . you get the idea.

By the time I made all my substitutions I think I can safely say I've made it my own way.  I considered making brownies from scratch buuuuut I had a pack of brownie mix in my cupboard so I took the easy way out.

I mixed up the mix according to the box directions.  This takes about 45 seconds.  Then I spread it thinly in a well greased jelly roll pan.  This takes about 53 seconds.  Then I put it in the oven and checked them at 10 minutes (because they were so thin I didn't want them burned to a crisp)  So my total time for the brownies was about 12 minutes.  We'll say 15 to be on the safe side.  Can you see why I opted for the easy way out?

It's really better if the brownies are less chewy and more well done.  I am not good at this.  Mine turned into brownie globs instead of brownie bars.

Let the brownies sit and cool completely while we work on the real beast, the caramel sauce.  Once again, I started with the recipe from Pioneer Woman, but then I realized I didn't have enough sugar.  So I kind of fudged the recipe to be more like the caramel from my caramel corn.

This meant adding brown sugar to replace the white sugar.  Do you know what the difference is between white and brown sugar?  Anyone? 

Molasses. 

Brown sugar is just regular sugar with molasses added.  So brown sugar works just the same but with a little flavor added.  I mixed 2 cups brown sugar with 1/2 cup of water and let it come to a boil.
 

Then I replaced whole cream with evaporated milk.  Pretty close.  Not exact but it seems to work fine for my purposes.

When the sugar mixture had boiled for about 5 minutes I added 1/2 cup evaporated milk, and 1/4 cup of butter.  According to the original directions I should have been done by now.  But this looked really thin to me so I decided to use the method I do with caramel corn, and let it boil until it gets to the soft-ball stage.  What's that you say?  I'll show you!

Drop a small amount of the caramel into some cold water and see what happens.  See how it all spread out and basically dissolved into a caramel colored cloud?  That means it's not ready yet.  Keep boiling.

Keep boiling.

You'll be able to see the caramel getting thicker and the bubbles more solid.  Let's test it again with a clean cup of water.

Dribble a small amount in the water and . . . see how it all clumps together in small blobs?  Now you know that it will solidify somewhat when it cools instead of remaining completely runny.

Take the pan off the heat and add about 1tsp of vanilla to give it a little extra flavor.

Then I poured it over the cooled brownies.

Now this is the best part.  Sprinkle a generous amount of kosher salt over the caramel.  This gives it such an amazing flavor!

That little bit of salt will just put you over the edge.  Miyagi agreed that it was what made him keep going back for another bite.

Looking back I think I'd add a little salt to the caramel as well as sprinkling it on top.

I was planning to bring these to my work to share.  Miyagi and I don't need to eat them all at home by ourselves . . . right?  The more I think about it the less generous I'm feeling.

I think I know what we're having for dinner tonight.

Baked Mac & Cheese

****UPDATE: I know hundreds of you have been trying to leave comments.  This has been fixed so feel free to leave dozens I MEAN HUNDREDS of comments from now on.


This is a recipe I got from Alton Brown.  Before this point I'd never had a baked Macaroni and Cheese that I actually liked, but I decided that if anyone could sway me, it would be Alton.

Also, we have a lot of macaroni.  A LOT of macaroni.  Like 25lbs of it.  I tried to take a picture but Miyagi said it didn't show it's true sized without something to compare it to.  So here is our macaroni stash compared to Miyagi's hands.  Oh, and this is only half our macaroni.  So . . .yeah.  We're pretty much going to be putting it in everything from now on.  Keep an eye out for macaroni popovers soon.

Unfortunately for this recipe we only needed 1/2 a pound, which rounded out to a little over 2 cups.  Go ahead and start this cooking in a big pot of salted water.  It doesn't really matter if this is done before the cheese sauce because it's all going to get baked together later.  I overcooked mine a bit but this would be better a bit on the under-done side.  Squishy noodles are never a good thing.

For the cheese sauce start with some butter in a large pot.  Large because we'll be combining everything in this pot eventually.  After the butter's melted add some flour and some dried mustard  and whisk it up good.

Check out my nifty black silicone whisk!  They're really good for mixing in hot pans without scratching them up.  They're also really good for flicking lava-hot cheese sauce out of the pan and on to your fingers.

Stir this around for about 5 minutes.  Keep the heat on medium-low and this will start to liquefy near the end.

While you're waiting grate a big pile of cheese.  The recipe calls for sharp, but we only had medium so  . . .whatever.  We like to live on the edge.  You can also use this time to chop up about 1/2 C of onions. I made Miyagi do it.  He's good with onions.

Add the onions, milk, paprika and a bay leaf to the pot and let it simmer for several minutes.  You'll notice it getting bubbly and thick.  We like bubbly and thick.  After about 10 minutes take the bay leaf out.  You don't want to get that sucker in a bite of mac&cheese so don't forget this step.

If you DO forget to take the bay leaf out, don't feel bad.  Give a prize to whoever finds it and play it off like it was intentional.

Now we're going to temper in an egg.  Yeah, I didn't know how to do this either.  When I saw this on the instructions I was like "Quick!  I have ten minutes to learn how to temper in an egg while the sauce is simmering!  THIS IS NOT A DRILL!"  Luckily it only took about 30 seconds to learn.  Because I'm so smart.

So here's what we do.

Grab the whisk attachment to your mixer because your real whisk is dirty and you don't feel like washing it.

Whisk up your egg in a bowl so all the white bits and yellow bits are friendly and cozy.

Scoop up some of your hot liquid and slowly drizzle it into the egg while mixing.  Basically you're trying to slowly introduce the hot liquid to the egg so that the egg heats up, but doesn't scramble.

Once you've mixed in the hot liquid you can slowly drizzle the egg mixture into the rest of the sauce.  It not really all that delicate.  As long as you add everything slowly and keep mixing you'll be fine.  The whole thing will take maybe a minute.

Now that you've tempered in an egg (way to go you Master Chef you!) add the cheese to the sauce, fold in the macaroni, and turn off the heat.

You're going to melt MORE butter in a pan (I know I know, just get over it) and add in a cup of panko crumbs and toss them around until they're all coated. 

For anyone not familiar with panko crumbs here are two helpful facts: 1) you can get them in the Asian section of your grocery store.  2) they're magic.  This is my first time using them and I'm already hooked.  Unless I need flavored bread crumbs I think these are going to be the new staple in my house and no one can say otherwise because what I SAY GOES!  Miyagi has no comment on the matter.

Layer everything in a baking dish; macaroni and cheese sauce, MORE shredded cheese, and your magic Panko crumbs.  Then pop this in the oven for about half and hour and you get . . .

This most amazing baked macaroni and cheese!  Ta daa!  Bet you didn't see that coming.

This made way more than Miyagi and I could eat.  And even though the recipe suggests saving left overs for fried macaroni and cheese I just don't know if I deep fry this in good conscience.  It's just too much.

Artichokes

It took a long time before I understood the true value of the artichoke.  There are lots of "artichoke and spinach" dips in the world, and you can buy canned artichoke hearts, but my favorite is still the freshly cooked whole artichokes with a big bowl of hollandaise sauce for dipping.  Everything is better with hollandaise sauce.  The first time Miyagi and I made artichokes with hollandaise sauce was on Valentines Day.  It was deliciously romantic.

Whole artichokes are deceptively easy to cook, however another post might be required to describe how to actually EAT them.  Is there artichoke etiquette?  The problem I always used to run into was that I could never tell when they were done, and when you pulled leaves off there were rivers of water running off your elbows.  Puddles in the carpet are certainly NOT a part of artichoke etiquette.  Here's how to avoid them.

Start by rinsing them thoroughly then cutting of the top inch or so of the leaves.  Some people go further and trim all the pointy edges off the leaves but I don't think that's really necessary. Also, if the stems are long go ahead and trim them down too.

Try to make a nice even slice across the top.  The whole point is to make a flat surface so the artichoke can stand upside down.  This is the first step in reducing elbow rivers.

Next, get a pot large enough to fit your artichokes standing on end with a lid.  Fill it with 1-2 inches of water and salt generously.  You can also pepper the water for some extra flavor but be warned that this will result in small black specks lodged deep withing your artichoke that may convince guests that you eat bugs for extra protein.

Get the water up to a boil, set your artichokes in upside down put the lid on and let them simmer for up to 20 minutes.  It's better if the water is just simmering and not at a rolling boil because you're really just steaming these puppies.  Setting them in the pan like this allows the steam to get up to the meat of the leaves and then drain down when it condenses.  Leaving your elbow and carpet dry!  Your guests will be so thankful.

The first time I tried this they only took about 10 minutes to cook.  It really depends on the density of the artichokes it's best just to check on them every few minutes.  After they've gone from bright green to a murky-swampy green try sticking a knife in the stem.  If it slides in easily with little resistance then you know they're done.  If not then slap the lid on and let them stew for a little longer. 

When they're done pull them out with some tongs (you can use your fingers if you want to rid yourself of unsightly finger prints)  and set them upside down on a towel to continue draining.  There's not much left to drain at this point but I'm anal about the river factor and I want my artichokes as dry as they can be.

Then whip up some of this sweet stuff, (recipe to follow) and put it in something more attractive than an old Tupperware container, then figure out how to take better pictures of your food so that hollandaise doesn't end up looking like yellow play dough.  If you're not ready for the glory of hollandaise then melted butter and maybe some lemon juice works great.

I was going to make another batch of artichokes and take pictures of how to eat them . . . but we don't have any eggs.  And artichokes without hollandaise sauce just seems kind of pointless.  Like Sunny without Cher.  (Note: notice you can have Cher without Sunny?  Same goes for hollandaise!) So until we get to the grocery store you'll just have to figure out how to eat them on your own.   Good luck!

Operation: Eat Salsa!

We currently have an over abundance of salsa. . . and no chips. I keep thinking about the episode of Everybody Loves Raymond when Ray's father becomes obsessed with salsa. Ray tells his dad that, yes, he has tried salsa before, and his dad responds with, "but I bet you've never had it . . . on a chip!"  HA.

Here's a nice alternative to the chip.  An egg fried on a corn tortilla with re-fried black beans and . . . SALSA! Or more commonly known as huevos rancheros!

Well.  We didn't have any re-fried black beans.  But we did have black beans!  So me and my awesome ingenuity created our own version of "re-fried"  I like to think it's a bit healthier too.  But then, I like to think a lot of things.

I used about 1/2 TBS of olive oil and minced up a clove of garlic.  Over medium heat I let the garlic cook in the oil for just a few minutes until it starts to smell so good you want to pick it out of the pan with your fingers.  Then I added my black beans.  Mine were canned and were already drained and rinsed so I added about 1/4c of water too.  If you opened a fresh can you could just dump it all in there.

As the beans heat up, throw some salt in there and maybe some cayenne pepper or whatever sounds good.  Then as the water bubbles start mashing the beans with the back of a spoon.

Keep going.  Keep going.  It won't be perfect but you'll get there!  And soon it will look something like this.  If it's too thin just leave it on the heat to cook some water off.  Of course if it's too thick you can always add more water.  The garlic and salt gives the beans enough flavor to make them a bit more interesting, but these are still healthier than regular re-fried beans.

Now for the main event!  Start with a little olive oil in a hot skillet and fry up one side of a corn tortilla.  I tend to use as little oil as possible which means that I'm constantly swirling to try and get the oil spread evenly.

Get that side just barely cooked and flip the sucker over, you'll get another chance to brown it so don't over cook them. 

Then crack an egg right over one of your tortillas.  I happen to have a wonky element (read: innovative) so I had to squish each tortilla against one side to keep the egg from sliding completely off the tortilla.  This left mine a little lopsided, but still edible.  While it's cooking sprinkle some salt, pepper, or whatever-is-in-your-cupboard over it.  Then when the white of the egg are looking mostly done, flip the egg and tortilla over again to let the top of the egg cook.  These are best when the yolk is still a bit runny, but remember that the egg is getting heat through the tortilla so it might take longer than normal to cook.

When it's done top it with some black beans, some fresh cilantro and some . . . SALSA.

I'm sure these would have been great with some melted cheese on top . .  .mmmm. . . .cheese . . .  but I was trying to cut down on extra calories and they turned out pretty good on their own.  Remember to season your egg though, that makes a big difference.  And of course, so does the homemade SALSA.

Homemade Salsa

I appear to be on something of a salsa kick.  I never used to eat salsa before I met Miyagi . . . or cucumbers.  The thing is I don't really like tomatoes as much as I put up with tomatoes.  So while I loved the flavor, the chunks were always the bane of my existence.  Chunks are hard to ignore.  They're like little battalions, waving their flags and shouting "hey!  Notice me!  Notice the nasty way I feel when you squish me between your teeth!!!"  See?  Gross.

Ahem.  This recipe has no chunks.  Not the way I make it.  I found this over at thepioneerwoman.com but don't look at her version of the recipe . . .her pictures look much better than mine. 

All you need for this recipe is a food processor (in my case a smoothie maker) and a few things to throw in together.

These are good to start with.  1 can of whole tomatoes, juice and all.  Two cans of diced tomatoes and chilies.  (Miyagi didn't know what to get at the store so he brought home something called Mexican salsa . . . is that the same thing?  I don't know.  But it worked great!) 1 whole fresh Jalapeno (seeds and all), chopped, and a bunch of lightly chopped cilantro.  (but not a bunch.  Just a handful or twp.)

Add in about 1/4 cup chopped onion, and a clove of minced garlic. Nothing needs to be chopped too finely because it's all going to get blended together in your blender.  Convenient eh?

Throw this all in your blender and add 1/4 tsp salt, 1/4 tsp sugar, 1/4 tsp cumin and the juice of half a large lime.

Just a word about lemon/lime juice.  Have you ever tasted real lemon juice and then tasted the stuff in the bottle?  It's not pleasant.  It's like liquid tartness without any of the flavor.  Trust me on this, you're life will be happier if you use more real lemon/lime juice.

Do you know what else will make you happier?  Buying one of these little juicer things!  They're like $4 and they get EVERY DROP.  That was always my biggest obstacle to using fresh lemons; I just didn't have the Abductor Pollicis Brevis power. (that's your hand muscle!)  See the how shredded that lime is?  With little to no strength you can happily dredge the fruit of all it's juicy goodness.

Ok.  Back to salsa.  Basically you're adding everything in the blender at once, and praying it fits, then hit pulse a few times to get things mingled.  It doesn't take much.  6 or 7 times was enough to mix everything thoroughly and chop it very fine.  Pulse more if it makes you giggle.  Or less if you like the chunks.  (Savage!)

Also trust that your salsa will look more appetizing than this picture does.  Stupid florescent lighting in the kitchen.

The heat in this turned out to be just right for Miyagi and me, although we occasionally ran into little "pockets" of inferno heat, it was overall quite pleasant. If you want to adjust the heat you can add more jalapeno, or remove the seeds and membranes for less heat.  We also realized that our "Mexican salsa" had heat levels.  We had two labeled "very hot" and two not labeled at all.  We split our chances and put in one of each.  We're risk takers like that.

Oh.  Also?  This makes A LOT of salsa. Be prepared.  For two people in a tiny apartment (I'm not sure how the apartment factors in but it DOES) we almost had too much.  I took a bunch into work the next day and almost a week later we're still working through it.  Did you see that smoothie maker?  This is like 4 large smoothies worth of salsa.

Can you "can" salsa?  Well not YOU specifically, but can it be done without resulting in massive hospital bills?  If so this would totally be worth it.  It takes all of 10 minutes to make and tastes 10 MILLION times better than anything at the store.  I'll have to look into this . . . results to follow!

Homemade Salsa

1 can (28 Ounce) Whole Tomatoes With Juice
2 cans (10 Ounce) diced Tomatoes And Green Chilies (Mexican Salsa?)
¼ cups Chopped Onion
1 clove Garlic, Minced
1 whole Jalapeno, chopped
¼ teaspoons Sugar
¼ teaspoons Salt
¼ teaspoons Ground Cumin
½ cups Cilantro
½ whole Lime Juice

Dump everything in your food processor or blender and pulse until you reach your desired consistency.