Artichokes

It took a long time before I understood the true value of the artichoke.  There are lots of "artichoke and spinach" dips in the world, and you can buy canned artichoke hearts, but my favorite is still the freshly cooked whole artichokes with a big bowl of hollandaise sauce for dipping.  Everything is better with hollandaise sauce.  The first time Miyagi and I made artichokes with hollandaise sauce was on Valentines Day.  It was deliciously romantic.

Whole artichokes are deceptively easy to cook, however another post might be required to describe how to actually EAT them.  Is there artichoke etiquette?  The problem I always used to run into was that I could never tell when they were done, and when you pulled leaves off there were rivers of water running off your elbows.  Puddles in the carpet are certainly NOT a part of artichoke etiquette.  Here's how to avoid them.

Start by rinsing them thoroughly then cutting of the top inch or so of the leaves.  Some people go further and trim all the pointy edges off the leaves but I don't think that's really necessary. Also, if the stems are long go ahead and trim them down too.

Try to make a nice even slice across the top.  The whole point is to make a flat surface so the artichoke can stand upside down.  This is the first step in reducing elbow rivers.

Next, get a pot large enough to fit your artichokes standing on end with a lid.  Fill it with 1-2 inches of water and salt generously.  You can also pepper the water for some extra flavor but be warned that this will result in small black specks lodged deep withing your artichoke that may convince guests that you eat bugs for extra protein.

Get the water up to a boil, set your artichokes in upside down put the lid on and let them simmer for up to 20 minutes.  It's better if the water is just simmering and not at a rolling boil because you're really just steaming these puppies.  Setting them in the pan like this allows the steam to get up to the meat of the leaves and then drain down when it condenses.  Leaving your elbow and carpet dry!  Your guests will be so thankful.

The first time I tried this they only took about 10 minutes to cook.  It really depends on the density of the artichokes it's best just to check on them every few minutes.  After they've gone from bright green to a murky-swampy green try sticking a knife in the stem.  If it slides in easily with little resistance then you know they're done.  If not then slap the lid on and let them stew for a little longer. 

When they're done pull them out with some tongs (you can use your fingers if you want to rid yourself of unsightly finger prints)  and set them upside down on a towel to continue draining.  There's not much left to drain at this point but I'm anal about the river factor and I want my artichokes as dry as they can be.

Then whip up some of this sweet stuff, (recipe to follow) and put it in something more attractive than an old Tupperware container, then figure out how to take better pictures of your food so that hollandaise doesn't end up looking like yellow play dough.  If you're not ready for the glory of hollandaise then melted butter and maybe some lemon juice works great.

I was going to make another batch of artichokes and take pictures of how to eat them . . . but we don't have any eggs.  And artichokes without hollandaise sauce just seems kind of pointless.  Like Sunny without Cher.  (Note: notice you can have Cher without Sunny?  Same goes for hollandaise!) So until we get to the grocery store you'll just have to figure out how to eat them on your own.   Good luck!